| Destined to walk in the shadows...I reside in the darkness of my soul |
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| This is so me |
[7:01pm April the 21st, 2004] |
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Nickleback |
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Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.
"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."
The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.
As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| My broken thoughts |
[5:52pm April the 21st, 2004] |
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The clickety clack of the keyboard |
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Sitting alone in the corner, lights turned off the adult stared out the window, staring...staring out at the moon, the stars. Her mind flickers and suddenly a flashback appears.
~~ 7 years old mouth agape, blue eyes wide opened she lifted her tiny hand to the sky pointing at the comet. "Momma...momma...what is that?"
And her mother just smiled, dark brown eyes shining with secret happiness. "One of God's miracles"
"Miracle" repeated the small child, her tiny voice slowly fading to the broken stone one that it was now. "Miracle"~~
"If there was such a thing" She growled slowly standing up brushing herself off even though there was no dirt. Slowly she made her way to the bathroom, humming a haunted tune...another flashback jolting it's self into her mind.
~~The air was dry, the sun beating down onto the houses everyone in the compound retreating to the cool interior of those houses. The child, now nine, lay on her back a cloth pressed to her nose, crimson red staining the white surface. The dry air always gave her nose bleeds. Her mother always coming to rescue her from the crimson wetness from running down her face. She sniffled listening to her mother sing, eyes closing the sweet voice lulling her to sleep.~~
Opening her eyes the teenager stared at her reflection, grimacing at what she saw. The bushy hair, fat lips, rounded cheeks, her skin would always be freckled and cursed with the bumps and wrinkles that would come with age. How she longed for the supermodel look...but knew she was stuck this way forever. Wincing she turned looking at a bruise on her shoulder, pushing at it with a pale finger.
~~The child screamed in the basement, one arm in the harsh grip of her mother, the other trying to protect her helpless frame, her mother's other hand landing hard against the skin. "Mom! Stop! STOP! MOMMA!!!" The child screamed tears running down her 11 year old face.
"Shut up shut up shut up!" Her mother screamed beating her harder.~~
Turning away from the bruise the adult retreated to her bed, beads of sweat forming at her temples from the heat of the night. She lay on top of the sheets enjoying the cool touch.
~~Her hair swirled around her face the window fan blowing cold air onto her as she stared at her mother in the sick bed. No longer the beautiful woman she was, Her curly ebon hair fallen out from the radiation she recieved almost everyday. Her narrow supermodel face now swollen. Hands shaking from weakness. The child winced and walked over to her mother, kissing the soft swollen cheek. "Goodbye mom....I love you" She whispered in her mother's ear before straightening up, grabbing her suitcase, walking out of the sick room. She carried her head high, ignoring the insutlts that her older sister was throwing at her. The child carried herself out of the house, strong.....and she would always be strong, her heart flashing from soft to stone...soft...stone~~
Staring out ahead of her the adult closed her eyes a frown marring her features. Trying too hard to fall asleep. But in the distance a phone kept her away, ringing.....
~~Her father handed her the phone and she lifted it to her ear. Her older sister sounded far away."Here's mom....she can't talk...." Listening closely the child pressed the phone closer to her ear hearing soft breathing at the other end. "Hey mom..." She whispered emotion choking her as she talked of school, the new life that she was slowly adjusting to. But it was finally time to go. "Goodbye mom....I love you...." She said as tears wet her cheeks slowly hanging up the phone.~~
She sighed softly as someone picked up the annoying phone. Voices downstairs, she stood up knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep and tred down the stairs, stopping in the hallway staring at the couch.
~~5:35 the child hit the alarm clock with an angry fist and dragged herself out of bed, her mind cloudy with sleep. She shrugged her clothes on stumbling down the stairs. She yawned sleepily but paused in the middle of it when her father called her name. Confused she walked over to the couch sitting on it's surface. "Yes daddy?" She looked up at him with a face, ready for anything.
"Your mother died this morning....I'm sorry" The words hit her like a car. She stared at the rug, and yet no tears came. She would be strong.."Never show sadness" She had always told herself, her heart flashing from soft to hard stone that nothing could break through. She looked up at her father who was weeping openly. She took her father into her arms and hugged him close as an adult would do to a child when their mouse died. And yet, she was an adult. She had been one since she turned 14. Too young, and yet...it was something that she couldn't dodge. And as she hugged her father, she braced herself for things that would come her way for years to come~~
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| People just don't get a clue |
[6:41pm April the 20th, 2004] |
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Television in the background |
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How many times do I have to tell him this....it is OVER!!!
First of all, he expects me to take him back after all the asshole things he did to me over spring break....yea right.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE GOD DAMMIT!!!!!
Homework homework...oh what FUN...not really
I'll have to mooch off of my friends again ^.^
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| And a small smirk crosses my face |
[8:00pm April the 19th, 2004] |
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Si Volvieras - Josh Groban |
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People tell me everyday that I have no feelings. That I had such an aura around me, they are afraid of what I might....what I could do.
It amuses me so.....
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| I'm so in love with this guy's voice |
[11:25am April the 17th, 2004] |
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When you say you love me - Josh Groban |
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Oh my god....you seriously have to listen to his music.....I'm in Love...I have dedicated this song, to myself and to him....^.^
"When You Say You Love Me"
By: Josh Gorban
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?
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| Quizes are fuuuuuuuun |
[5:56pm April the 16th, 2004] |
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TV show in the background |
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Hecate
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the Secretive Mermaid. Perpetual beauty
that longs for legs to walk by the side of men.
You spend your time gazing at the stars and
whispering to the moon. You have little to no
freinds that breathe. Your freinds all missing.
You are sweet as syryp and kind as cake. There
are a handful of people and mermaids like you.
Would you rate my quiz I will keep it a secret?
What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Element is Flame. You have a strong,
independant, fiery personality and you
obviously don't ley other's puch you around.
You like being in charge and don't care what
other people think. In fact, you like to stand
out and be yourself. You're probably shy when
people first meet you but your a ball of energy
that could explode at any given moment. You
like to laugh and whether you admit it or not,
you like to fight. You're peronality that is
wild and untamable. You're beauty is physically
fit and a little sexy and you have a very
pretty face.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Welcometomycrazyworldyouinsignificantmortals |
[4:44pm April the 16th, 2004] |
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My laughter |
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Iliketalkinginletters,itisveryeasytoconfusetheotherpersonthatyouaretalkingto. Actuallitisquitefun......foraloserlikemelol. Notmuchtosayatthishour...so...i'llbeback.
I Mean It
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| Frozen toes and Puffy eyes |
[6:51pm April the 15th, 2004] |
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My voice singing the Pokemon theme......I'm such a loser |
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My toes are freezing....I need to wear socks...blech
I finally stopped crying, and my eyes feel all puffy and I feel all icky and weak. I'm glad no one saw. I don't like showing my emotions, especially when they come in the form of tears.
Goddess help me...I'm breaking down....
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| As I lay my head down, to tired to even care anymore... |
[4:20pm April the 15th, 2004] |
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The soft plop my tears make as they hit my hands |
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Why do these things happen to me ::sigh::
I broke my cell phone...I cried during 6th 7th and 8th period.
I just want to fall asleep in somone's arms ( no vithy thoughts please ) and wake up in them....
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| How tiring life is....yes.. |
[7:46pm April the 14th, 2004] |
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The clickity clack of the keyboard |
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She pressed her teeth together, applying more and more pressure as the IM's popped up.
"Stop Talking to me"
She hissed underneath her breath, xing out of the box, but they still continued to appear.
Her temples throbbing an oncoming migrane forming in the back of her skull, resisting the temptation to scream.
The annoying sound blaring from her speakers she flicked them off with an angry twist of her fingers.
"IT'S OVER!"
She typed in bold red letters, underlining the OVER.
And so he stopped writing, the boxes no longer appearing on the screen. Hanging her head she closed her eyes and sighed. Looking up, she shrugged and went on with her business.
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| Love songs = Shibbyness |
[9:50pm March the 29th, 2004] |
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The humming my guitar strings make |
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This song is dedicated to myself at the moment. ^.^ ::huggles self::
::big sigh:: there might be some links on the word...lonely.....ignore them please
"A Teenager in Love"
Each time we have a quarrel, it almost breaks my heart
Cause I am so afraid that we will have to part
Each night I ask the stars up above
Why must I be a teenager in love?
One day I feel so happy, next day I feel so sad
I guess I'll learn to take the good with the bad
Each night I ask the stars up above
Why must I be a teenager in love?
I cried a tear for nobody but you
I'll be a lonely one if you should say we're through.
Well if you want to make me cry, that won't be so hard to do
If you should say goodbye, I'll still go on loving you
Each night I ask the stars up above
Why must I be a teenager in love?
I cried a tear for nobody but you
I'll be a lonely one if you should say we're through.
Well if you want to make me cry, that won't be so hard to do
And if you should say goodbye, I'll still go on loving you
Each night I ask the stars up above
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
~~~Why must I be a teenager in love?~~~
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| Confusing dreams, make me wonder......is it ending? |
[5:48pm March the 25th, 2004] |
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The wheels in my head turning |
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Current feeling - weary
Nightmares plague my mind.
She stood, shackles bound around her wrists and neck, chaining her to the wall. In the corner stood the boy with no face.
Chains rattling she took steps foward, straining against the iron bonds calling for his help. But he did not hear her call.
People came out of the shadows, razor blades in their hands. Laughing loudly they ran past her, one by one. Each of them giving her one good slash. Blood poured from each wound, spilling onto the ground staining it black.
The girl cried out in pain, screaming for the boy to come to her, to save her. But he did not.
Laying in a pool of her own blood the girl gave one last death moan and was no more.
_________
They stood in a room. A single beam of light shining on the boy with no face.
Smiling to herself she called out his name running to him.
Arm outstretched she touched the back of his head, wanting to stroke his hair.
Screaming she fell back against the floor as the boy's head fell from the neck, rolling to her feet. It opened it's mouth forming words talking faster and faster, the lips becoming a blur. Blood dripped down the walls in the room. The girl grabbed her ears screaming loudly.
~~~Once again the boy was Justin, the Girl me......What does it mean? What does it mean?~~~
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| Killer Dreams |
[2:45pm March the 25th, 2004] |
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My sister singing in the background |
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Dreams are confusing...especially mine.
The figure came toward her, black hair falling into his face, casting shadows so the girl could not see who it was. But she knew it was someone dangerous. Fear welled up in her chest, her throat, choking her as she stumbled backwards. The figure stalked toward the girl, laughing low, thumbing a razor blade between his thumb and forefinger, blood dripping onto the ground. She asked what he wanted.
"You know.....you know" Was his answer.
Backed up against a wall she couldn't go anywhere, the figure coming closer.
"Painless....painless"
He pressed an ice cold hand against her mouth, so no one could hear her scream, the razor blade sliding against her throat. Her eyes widened and she made small choking noises, feeling the crimson blood spill down her neck. And then she was no more.
_________
I was the girl...........Justin was the figure....what does it mean? What does it mean?
~~~Sithæ, spread your decaying wings and come to my rescue....deliver me into the hell that I belong in~~~
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| Secrets |
[5:43pm March the 20th, 2004] |
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Hello - Evanesance |
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Three women with no eyes
One with razor blade fingers....standing in a sea of blood ( Akasha )
Another that is an angel...wings falling apart with death ( Sithæ )
The last is normal...except she shows me who I meet ( Tirith )
~~~ Should I have told people about them?~~~
Spirit Guides and envoking the spirit....
Reading spells
Making potions
~~~So what if I am different~~~
Reading minds....isn't as hard as it seems
Telling the future and the past with Tarot cards
Playing with fate reading palms
~~~Is it wrong that I can do these things?~~~
The difference between me....and you....is
We all dream at night......It's just that mine are the ones that come true
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